Dating Violence

Few things are as damaging emotionally or physically as violence while on a date.  While violence is usually done by the male to the female and opposite is true occasionally, as well.  Some of the causes lie deep within ourselves, but some are simply caused by how women view themselves.

Teenage dating violence is particularly prevalent in the United States.  While it happens to both men and women, the violence may look very different.  Girls are more likely to slap, scratch, cry or scream.  Boys will more often hit, punch, or resort to unwanted sexual overtures.  Dating violence does not have to be physical-being called names, or ridiculed for your actions is also a form of violence.  Unfortunately it is often the scars on the emotions which last far longer than physical bruises and bumps.

Any behavior from your date or partner which is unwanted can be construed as dating violence, and you do not have to allow it to continue if it is unwanted. People who are the victims of dating violence often feel ashamed or angry or depressed.  They will have been told they are the cause of the violence used against them.  Such statements as -”You made me so angry I just had to hit you,” places the blame on the victim rather than the one doing the violence.

Another more subtle approach which unfortunately works too well is the statement.  “I just can’t control what you do to me.  It’s your fault for being so sexy that you turn me on.” 

Neither statement is true of course.  Each person is responsible for their own actions.  You do not have to be punished by dating violence for the way you dress or speak or move, although this does not give the woman license to wear deliberately provocative clothing or lack or it. 

You are not alone in experiencing dating violence.  At least one in three teenagers report having been violently treated in a dating situation, while over 3/4 of teens surveyed reported knowing someone who had been a victim of dating violence.

If you are in a violent relationship, two rules apply.  1. Get help or 2. Get out.  You need help for yourself to come to terms with what is being done to you and by you.  If the person who is violent will not agree to seek help, you need to get out.  Rarely does a person who is violent stop behaving in such a manner.  They may have been raised in an abusive situation, but that is not an excuse for participating in further cycles of violence.